GOALS / CHANGES / RESOLUTIONS

…whatever you may call them, they are much the same. In 2008, I want for 3 things: 1) To overcome fear and be a better representative of who I am; 2) to keep in better touch and be more involved with those I love and care about; and 3) to deepen existing long-lasting relationships.

1) While I don’t think of myself as a people pleaser, to some extent, I probably have become more of one in the last few years. Part comes from working in sales and the other comes from my desire to respect the way others are, their likes, their dislikes and agency. But do I lessen who I am if I am not myself because of fear of not being accepted? Because of their rules, likes and dislikes? I still haven’t figured out where the fine line is exactly or how to go about changing or doing it all right. I guess if I knew it all I wouldn’t need to still be aliveJ I do however resolve to be myself, to be my complete self, whenever possible, while still respecting others. Some people will take it and some people will leave it, but that is okay. I am who I am and I love who I am (the one that few truly get to see). Others seeing less in me does not and will not make me less. I am taking a big risk putting this out there for anyone to read…but it is a step in the right direction.

2) I have managed to get myself so busy, or preoccupied, that I sometimes forget even the smallest things. I’m not good at keeping track of birthdays, anniversaries, due dates, etc. I was even thinking that my older sister had 5 kids. Feeling bad that I couldn’t remember the name of a niece…that doesn’t even exist! Seriously! If you are one that gets a Happy Birthday call, email or text…consider yourself lucky…especially if it is close to your birthday. If I managed to get a card in the mail, it is a miracle…for anything. I used to be good at Christmas cards, but I haven’t sent them out for probably 3 or 4 years. I want to be a better daughter, better sister, better aunt, better friend, better advisor and better at personal contact with clients. It isn’t even that I don’t have a million cards purchased and at my house, it is more sending them out, on time. I don’t like to be late and sometimes feel like if it is late, it shouldn’t be done. I need to plan ahead…and look into SendOutCards. I’m sure this will take more work than I think, but I’m starting.

I want to be a better daughter, better sister, better aunt, better friend, better advisor and better at personal contact with clients. To improve myself as an aunt and sister: I’ve already got two trips planned to see some of my nieces and nephews play sports and in a play. In a lot of ways I’m lucky being single…I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want and NOBODY gets to tell me “no”! (Ok, nobody but the Man upstairs that seems to tell me “no” a lot!) For now, I want to be the cool aunt! I want to get on the floor, build with blocks, play dolls and Barbie’s, paint flowers on toenails, laugh, wrestle, watch Harry Potter (not understanding a thing without it be explained to me by my nieces and nephews more than half my age), be silly and dance while watching princess movies and much more.

3) I want more relationships like I had when I was in Montana. For those that know the “Montana Nilda”, it is probably very different from the “Arizona Nilda”. Some good and some bad. I think that I feel more accepted amongst Montanans. I realize that “feeling” something doesn’t always make it a reality. I’m not sure exactly why, but I have an easier time just being myself when I’m in Montana or around Montanans. Feeling like no matter what, they will be there, with open arms, to welcome me home. Maybe it is because it is home, where my roots are. It is where I grew up, it is where I matured, gained strength and gained a strong testimony. Maybe it is because of the wonderful support system that I had, still have, there. Time seems to move a little slower and people seem to understand that even though people are very different, we can still all get along and love each other. I still look forward to “girl’s nights” when I go back to Great Falls. Now please don’t get me wrong. I have A LOT of wonderful friends in Arizona!!! The problem is with me. I don’t think I give enough of myself to people here. It isn’t anyone’s fault or responsibility but my own. I’m not fakey; I’m just not totally real. Somehow within the first year of living here I lost confidence in who I was. I find that I'm constantly keeping myself sheltered from being rejected. Like, if I don’t give too much, then it won’t hurt as much if it is taken away. I’m careful, too careful. Being vulnerable with friends here has been very difficult. Few in Arizona truly know who I am as a whole. Sad isn’t it?! I want to change that. It may be too late with some, but hopefully not all. A relationship worth having is a relationship worth fighting for. It takes two people working and that is sometimes the problem. I’m learning to be a better friend with married people. Considering that I only have one or two close friends that are single, it has been interesting to say the least. I’m excited about the new friendships that I’m building (with even more married’s). It is a chance to start fresh and work from the beginning on showing who I am. We will see if I can find the gumption, courage, strength to pull this one off. It is a goal, not a guarantee, but I do hope to make it a reality!

A combination of the first and the last will likely be the most difficult thing(s) I will ever do!

I hope that whatever goals, changes or resolutions that you plan to make this year, and every year, that you will allow me to help you in any way that I can. Another good friend once said, "I don't know what I can do to help you unless you tell me." Why is that so hard? Asking for help? We are all in this together!



Happy New Year! Here is to a wonderful 2008!

Love,
Nilda Noel